Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
