I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
