I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
