im six kinds of drunk right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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