i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
