eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
