dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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