There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
