i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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