Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
