That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
