i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
