i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
