six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
