p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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