accomplished twins. life is a go
there was a trapeze. enough said
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
