That's when you crack a 10am beer
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
be right there i have to get my cape
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
