Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
