turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
