I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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