so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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