I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
