I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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