I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
we should paint friendship bongs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize