Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
