I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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