he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
