her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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