i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
