You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
