i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
