As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
