Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
