I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize