hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is it because I queefed?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The ass gains better be worth it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
