what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize