Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
