you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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