shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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