you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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