I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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