Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I could fuck to npr.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
