I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
