im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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