we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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