he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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