So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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