my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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