it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
