I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
