And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
