Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
