Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
