After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
