The maid of honor just puked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
