I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize