guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize