I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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