if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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