Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
