p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
3 2 1 whiskey
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
