saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
