Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
