ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
