I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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