Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
